Conservatives Unveil their Election Strategy

Rishi Sunak unveiled the Conservative election strategy today in a surprise move that was welcomed by our local MP, Craig Mackinlay. Sunak has vowed to destroy the world by rolling back on greenhouse gas reductions and so hastening climate change.

Sunak has finally grasped the effect climate change is having on the world, and realised that the majority of deaths are being suffered by socialists and left-wingers, while the filthy rich remain protected and safe.

“Climate change hits the poor not the rich, bring it on” Craig Mackinlay is thought to have agreed. In previous communications Mackinlay claimed that Conservative policies were aimed at helping the poor, but now the truth is out.

Keeping our nation’s electricity supply tied to oil and gas will keep prices (and profits for the fossil fuel industry) high and even more dependent on world oil markets. 

Cutting insulation programs will cost the poor even more as they struggle to heat their rented houses that are kept leaky and inefficient by well-heeled Tory-voting landlords.

The poor are also disproportionately affected by poor air quality so Sunak has kept their health burden high by rolling back on promises for more clean vehicles on our streets. Those poor that survive will be more likely to be killed in traffic accidents due to cancelling schemes which reduce traffic and speed in residential areas. It’s win-win-win for the big boys and their gas-guzzling toys. Helicopter trip to a Tory party conference anyone?

Right wing climate-denying Tories like Mackinlay gave the plans a big thumbs up. He intends to thank Sunak personally for delivering on his promise to reward the fossil fuel advocacy groups. Lobbying organisations, such as the Net Zero Scrutiny Group and the Global Warming Policy Foundation, bankroll the Conservative party and various of its MPs (Mackinlay included) with dark money from a desperate fossil fuel industry.

Of course the “lefty blob” is outraged. Britain is broken, with sewage spilling ever more into our rivers and seas, hospitals and schools crumbling, and councils going bankrupt as their central government funding is cut by over 90% to allow tax cuts for the rich.

The Brexit dividend is growing more and more obvious - higher costs, more red tape, our industries hampered from competing in the massive European marketplace, poorer environmental standards, bees dying in their droves. Thank goodness we got our country back!

The other Conservative success story is the small boats. Not since Dunkirk have so many people crossed from France to England in small boats. Funny that there were none at all before Brexit - maybe due to Britain being able to send them back to France when we were EU members?

I could go on and on. Mackinlay pontificates about the lithium in electric vehicle batteries, but he’s been silent on single-use vapes. Five million single-use vapes are being thrown away in the UK every week, a fourfold increase on 2022, research has found.

This amounts to eight vapes a second being discarded, with sufficient quantities of lithium in the products to create 5,000 electric car batteries a year instead disposed of dangerously in landfill. Will this provide our future supply?

But wait, I’ve just realised the truth. Rishi Sunak is actually one of Liz Truss’ “left-wing sleeper agents” who she claims to have infiltrated the Conservative party and be intent on its complete and utter destruction. 

Couldn’t happen soon enough.